Dear Mark,

It has been 13 years now since I have last seen you. So much has happened to me, I bet you would hardly recognize your little sister anymore. When we last saw each other I was 16. I had just learned to drive the little Toyota Tercel Mom and Dad had bought for you to use. They made you bring it home for me because they said we would rotate the cars they owned so I didn't always have to drive the 1985 station wagon. Obviously, it wasn't fair for ME to have to drive the wagon all the time, right? In fact, the last time I saw you, you had come to the house in the middle of the day when no one else was home but you and me. We bantered for a bit like usual, you got food out of the pantry, and when you left I made you take the station wagon. The last image I have of you in my head is watching you get into that station wagon. I yelled good bye from Mom and Dad's front door, you looked back and you gave me the middle finger. Appropriate for our relationship. Just a few days later, I was the last person to leave the house in the morning to go to my summer job at Grant's Farm. I was literally walking out the door to leave when the phone rang. I ALMOST didn't get it, but I turned back and did. It was the hospital and they told me about your accident.

Since that time, I have graduated high school and went to the same college you did. I often thought, "I wonder how many times Mark was here sitting in this same place". I would walk through the quad and picture you playing hacky sack like so many of your friends described.

My junior year I met the man I would marry. Mark, you would love him so much. One of your friends told me once that you couldn't wait to give trouble to the guys I dated. Too bad I didn't date until after you were gone. He's such a good man and an even better father. He is truly the other half of me and has made me a better person. I think you guys would have really liked each other. I imagine you guys always would have something to talk about and would really enjoy each other's company. Sometimes it is still so weird to me that Brian has never met you.

I graduated from SLU and got a job right out of college. A couple months later Brian surprised me with a proposal. A year later we were married. Two years after that we had our first child and quasi named him after you....Ethan Mark. I thought about naming him Mark because the last name would be different, but every time it came up I got too emotional, so I opted for the middle name. Ethan is such a joy. He's funny and smart, but also VERY strong willed and stubborn. So, in a way we use your name a lot because I find myself reprimanding him with a forceful "ETHAN MARK" often.

A year and a half later we had our little girl Abby. This go around, since we already had a toddler that Brian stayed home with, I found myself in the hospital by myself more during my recovery. I specifically remember a night that I had Abby in the crib next to me. I closed my eyes and I could picture you standing over her and saying, "She's beautiful, Karen." Abby is spunky and independent. She knows what she wants when she wants it and if you don't give it to her you will hear about it. I think I'm getting it back double for my "bratty years". She already pouts on a regular basis.

I think of you often and wonder what life would be like if you were still here. Would you live in St. Louis? Would you have kids? Would we be friends?

Every year our family gets together and does something on August 6th. Today we went down to the arch, went in the arch museum, took a riverboat ride and then went to lunch and played at a park. We have a lot of love in our family, but there will always be this little hole where you should be.

Even though I'm 8 years older than you at this point, you will forever in my mind be older than me. I hope you can see me and my family and see how much I've grown since that 16 year old girl. I love you big brother.

Love your little sis,

Karen